Being ignored without an explanation can leave a person questioning what went wrong. Whether it happens in a romantic relationship, friendship or everyday online conversation, ghosting often creates confusion, disappointment and emotional uncertainty.
However, new research suggests that the person who disappears may experience more emotional discomfort than the person left waiting realises.
The study, titled The Pain of Ghosting? People Underestimate How Bad Their Conversation Partners Feel About Not Responding, was published online on 31 August 2026 in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Researchers Sophia Li, Coral Zheng and Juliana Schroeder examined the emotional experiences of people who ghost others and those who are ghosted. Their findings challenge the assumption that people who stop replying simply move on without feeling anything.
What the researchers discovered
The researchers conducted three studies involving different ways of examining ghosting. These included people recalling real experiences, participants imagining communication scenarios and a live interaction in which one person was given the opportunity not to respond. Across the studies, the researchers found that people who were ghosted tended to underestimate how bad the other person felt about disappearing.
In the first study, involving 195 participants, people who had ghosted someone reported feeling worse about their behaviour than the people they had ghosted expected them to feel.
The difference was particularly noticeable when researchers examined feelings such as guilt and sadness. People who had been ignored generally did not realise how much emotional discomfort the other person experienced. The findings suggest that silence does not necessarily mean someone is completely unaffected by the decision to stop communicating.
Accidental ghosting can feel particularly uncomfortable
One of the study’s interesting findings concerned people who did not deliberately intend to disappear. Sometimes someone reads a message, plans to respond later and then becomes distracted by work, personal responsibilities or other demands. Days pass, and replying eventually becomes increasingly uncomfortable.
According to the research, people who unintentionally ghosted someone tended to feel worse about their lack of response. However, the person waiting for an answer did not necessarily recognise this. This highlights an important difference between how people experience their own behaviour and how they interpret someone else’s actions.
For the person receiving no response, the silence may look like rejection or indifference. Meanwhile, the person who has failed to reply may be experiencing guilt or embarrassment.
A short message could make a difference
The researchers also examined whether sending a brief response could reduce the emotional misunderstanding associated with ghosting. Their findings suggest that even a short message, such as explaining that someone is busy and cannot talk, can help.
A simple response does not require a lengthy explanation or an uncomfortable conversation. It can provide the other person with enough information to understand that communication is being paused or that a relationship may be ending.
The research suggests that this small step can reduce the emotional gap between what the person sending the message feels and what the recipient assumes.
Does feeling guilty make ghosting acceptable?
Although the findings offer a different perspective on ghosting, they do not suggest that disappearing without explanation is harmless. People who are ghosted can still experience rejection, uncertainty and emotional distress. Not knowing why someone stopped communicating can make it difficult to move forward.
The study also does not mean that every person who ghosts someone feels guilty. People’s reactions can differ depending on their intentions, circumstances and understanding of the situation. There may also be situations where ending contact without further communication is necessary, particularly when someone feels unsafe or believes that continued interaction could expose them to harm.
What this means for modern relationships
As more friendships, romantic connections and professional conversations take place through messaging platforms, ghosting has become an increasingly familiar experience. The new research highlights that communication breakdowns can affect both sides, even when those feelings are not visible.
For someone who has been ghosted, the findings may offer a reminder that another person’s silence does not automatically mean they never cared. However, it is equally important not to assume that the person will return or that their guilt will lead to an apology. Ultimately, the researchers’ findings point towards a simple lesson: when it is safe and appropriate to do so, a short, honest response may be kinder than disappearing without explanation.
Sometimes, a few words can prevent days of confusion.
Research puts the ghoster’s feelings in focus
The findings are drawing attention to the emotional experience of people who stop responding, rather than focusing only on the person left waiting.
Study published
The research by Sophia Li, Coral Zheng and Juliana Schroeder was published online in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
Research findings – Three studies examined
The researchers used recalled experiences, imagined situations and a live interaction involving 195, 601 and 350 participants respectively. Across the studies, they found that people who were ghosted underestimated how bad their conversation partners felt about not responding.